Dother – Blackstaff interview the Irish God of Evil
In the run up to the launch of Completely Folk’d, the final book in the darkly humorous urban fantasy trilogy by Laurence Donaghy, Blackstaff Press have sent out our fearless intern Seth to interview some of the main characters from the series.
After what became known in the office as The Tír na nÓg Incident, my sub-editor Michelle took a fair amount of convincing to trust me with the follow-up. I was able to win her round in the end. My wife, on the other hand, still isn’t returning my calls. Apparently what happens in Tír na nÓg does not stay in Tír na nÓg.
Still, that was a magical land full of talking horses and demigods, and this – sorry, Tourism NI – is Belfast city centre. I feel on much more solid ground here. The streets are bustling with lunchtime shoppers as I walk from Royal Avenue into the shop. I don’t know what I’m expecting from this one, to be honest. The Morrigan is, well…the Morrigan, whether she’s fictionalised or not, whereas this guy…
Dother, thank you for participating in this interview.
(at this point the interview procedure is interrupted for a few minutes as Dother’s supervisor makes it clear he’s being allowed only an extra 15 minutes lunch break. Dother reassures him that this won’t be a problem)
Sorry about that. Mr Leeson’s a real stickler for the old time and motion, and my sales targets for last quarter weren’t great. Um. Where were we? You wanted to talk to me about a book?
Yes. You – I do beg your pardon, a fictionalised version of you – has quite a starring role in a series of books by Laurence Donaghy, and I thought it would be interesting to get your perspective.
You haven’t read the Folk’d books?
No. It’s been a bit mad recently I’m afraid. When the magical world sort of “came out” as it were, and we were able to move into the human world, you must understand there were some who went voluntarily to see the sights and some (here he fidgets) who perhaps were not given a great deal of choice in the matter.
Are you saying you were thrown out?
I believe my mother may have phrased it even less diplomatically than that, but essentially, yes. So it’s been a case of trying to nail down a steady job, and I’m very grateful to Mr Leeson and “Phones Phones Phones” for giving me the opportunity.
I don’t know if there’s much point in continuing with the interview, if you haven’t read the books…
Oh not to worry, do you have any copies on you? (I do) Let me see those for a moment (he proceeds to speed-read at a rate I haven’t seen since the classic 80s kids flick Short Circuit).
I had no idea you could do that.
(he doesn’t reply, and as the seconds tick past, I watch him speed-read the books again, and again, and one more time
I had no idea you could speed-read like that.
You didn’t? Funny. We don’t realise what other people see in us, do we? Now (he clears his throat, and sits up straighter in his chair, as if working out the kinks) what were you asking me?
What you thought of your role within the Folk’d books, which you have…um, recently…read.
…any other thoughts? You are, after all, pretty much the main villain of the piece for long periods of the trilogy.
Well, far too much swearing naturally. Few too many torturous Blackadder-type similes. And it’s a bit pulpy for my tastes, but otherwise not a bad read, not bad at all. My own role within isn’t exactly historically accurate, of course. It’s true my brothers and my mother and I came from Greece, but everything from the moment we landed on Irish shores is pure fantasy. Still. Definitely…entertaining.
Well, that your character in the book is a debonair billionaire tycoon who owns Lircom, a global telecommunications giant, whereas you – what I mean by that is – well…
…I’m a meek sales monkey at a high street branch of “Phones Phones Phones” with an anaemic sales record and an utter moron for a line manager. Is that what you meant by “irony”?
Erm. Moving on-
Sorry, could you give me a moment?
(he asks to see Mr Leeson for a few moments, excusing himself. I wait as he and the small, officious little man retreat into the back of the shop. They emerge a fairly short amount of time later. Dother is smiling easily. Mr Leeson looks like a man who’s just been found in bed with Cthulu’s wife)
We don’t have a lot of time left-
Believe me. We have oodles of time. Isn’t that right, Mr Leeson? See? He agrees. Oh, he’s just run out; never mind, I’m sure I can look after the place when we’ve finished. You were saying?
I was just going to finish by asking what you thought of David Walliams playing your role in the movie adaptation.
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Featured image of Belfast City Hall from Wikipedia Commons: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Belfast#/media/File:Belfast_City_Hall_2007.jpg