Morrigan – Blackstaff Interview the Irish War God

In the run up to the launch of Completely Folk’d, the final book in the darkly humorous urban fantasy trilogy by Laurence Donaghy, Blackstaff Press have sent out our fearless intern Seth to interview some of the main characters from the series.

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It’s dark, is my first thought. I don’t know what I had been expecting with this assignment; visions of Asgard had been dancing in my head, probably from watching too much Thor (more on that later). But the Celtic land of the Gods, Tír na nÓg, is no circular city of golden spires and towers. It’s an authentically muddy, lived-in sort of place, always on the verge of sunset. The homes of the Gods themselves are not palaces, but a sort of Waitrose wattle and daub.

I barely have time to dismount my magical water-running horse before she’s there, standing before me, arms folded. She asks how the journey was and I mumble it was fine – I’m lying, you wouldn’t believe how much spray a horse kicks up when it’s galloping on a f**king lake, I look like a drowned rat – but she snaps that she wasn’t talking to me.

The horse replies that it was grand, and promptly canters off.

We’re alone. Just me and the Morrigan. I think about asking her is there a towel I can borrow, but there’s something in her eyes that says this maybe isn’t a subject that is best broached at this early stage of the interview. She points to a nearby three-storey structure with outside staircases that is, unmistakably, a tavern. If the raucous singing making the walls shake from within wasn’t a clue, the passed out demigod out front lying three feet from a heroic pool of vomit clinches it.

And so it is, mere moments later, that we’re shown to a private room on the top floor of the Druid’s Happy Hump Inn, and I commence my one-on-one chat with the Goddess of War. She downs a flagon of ale. I sip at my own and then try to tell my tongue to stop dissolving. She gives me a look you could strip paint with.

Thank you for agreeing to this interview. It’s a real honour to-

I’m setting the record straight. That’s what this is about.

You’ve been on record as saying that your depiction in the Folk’d books is, shall we say, somewhat inaccurate…

Somewhat inaccurate? (she spits on the floor disgustedly) He’s a hack, pure and simple. He wouldn’t know proper mythology if it killed his two older brothers on a quest and then allowed him to succeed. He had us bossed around by Milesians. Milesians! Have you seen Milesians? As a race they were about as threatening as Daniel Radcliffe in the first Harry Potter movie!

So how do you feel about Angelina Jolie accepting the role of the Morrigan in the upcoming movie?

[REDACTED FOR LEGAL REASONS]

Not a fan, then.

Well, I quite enjoyed her in Maleficent, don’t get me wrong. But Maleficent is no me.

Completely Folk'd Webbanner

But you did surprise onlookers by accepting the role of Valkyrie in the upcoming Thor: Ragnarok. Do you have much acting experience?

(rebukingly) I did win a Soap Award for my work on Hollyoaks last year. It’s been a really good preparation for the role, and the cast and crew are very understanding of my occasional lapse into battle fury. The unfortunate associate producer incident last year aside.

What first attracted you to the Thor role?

I started off as a consultant on the battle scenes. They asked Chris to spar with me (laughs) he was okay after a fortnight or so, poor thing. It’s a bit of fun, and good preparation for the actual Ragnarok, which is only 17 years away. Unless that girl in Norway can complete her epic quest to stave it off. But I’ve probably said too much.

Going back to Folk’d, the author has defended the inaccuracies in the books by saying that at the time of writing, he had no idea the magical world actually existed and so was surprised when you rode into his house that night and had your horse eat his Xbox One.

Yes, he was quite annoyed. He’d just gotten a high score on that zombie game.

He’s extended an invitation for you to attend the launch of the final book, Completely Folk’d, at Forbidden Planet, Ann Street, Belfast on Thursday 26th March.

(suspiciously) That was very specific. I thought this interview was to promote my new line self-help books and my movie career, not to talk about that eejit and his ridiculous trilogy-

Yes, the trilogy finishes with Completely Folk’d, which launches from Forbidden Planet, Ann Street Belfast on Thursday 26th March-

Would you like to know what the title of my first self-help book is?

…yes?

(She shows me a book which is entitled Unleashing The War Goddess Within, its cover emblazed with what is clearly the Morrigan holding some severed heads. All, I cannot help but note, are male)

I see. Tell me more about your self-help books and movie career…

I thought you’d never ask. Barkeep! Another ale!

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Blog feature image – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Morrigan_by_Koehne.jpg

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